Q. 19. What is meant by the fifth commandment, “Honor your father and your mother”?

We should honor our parents and all who are in authority, submit to their good instruction, and be patient with their shortcomings. We should not disobey their lawful commands, despise them, or disrespect them.

To those who keep this commandment, God promises long life and prosperity, insofar as it shall serve for his glory and their own good.

Leviticus 19:3; Deuteronomy 27:16; Proverbs 20:20; Matthew 15:4–6; Romans 12:10; 13:1–2; Ephesians 5:21; Ephesians 6:1–4; 2 Timothy 3:1–2; Hebrews 13:17; 1 Peter 2:13–14, 17, 18.

  • WSC 64–66
  • Heidelberg Catechism 104
  • WCF 23
  • Belgic Confession 36

Parents. God desires intergenerational harmony (Ephesians 6:1–4).

All who are in authority. Citizens are commanded to submit to the government (Romans 13:1–7), wives to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22), employees to their bosses (1 Peter 3:18–25), and Christians to their pastors (Hebrews 13:17). Submission within the body of Christ is grounded in the mutual submission of love: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Christian authority is meant for building up, not for tearing down (2 Corinthians 10:8; 13:10), and should not be lorded over others (Matthew 20:25–27).

Shortcomings. We should show respect even to the unjust (1 Peter 2:18–25); however, we may seek to escape from abusive situations, better our estate, or pursue justice by lawful means (1 Corinthians 7:21).

Disobey. Disobedience to faithful parents is a grievous sin. Widespread disrespect for parents and authority figures is a sign of the last days (2 Timothy 3:1–2).

Lawful commands. If our superiors instruct us to sin, “We must obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

Despise … disrespect. We must guard against resentment and pursue healing for bitterness towards those who have harmed or disappointed us. The failures of parents, spouses, bosses, and leaders do not justify our bad attitudes towards them. Talking down to superiors is forbidden.

Promises. The fifth commandment is “the first commandment with a promise” (Ephesians 6:2). God blesses those who honor him by honoring the authority structures which he has established.

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